Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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