I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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