How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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