She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
