how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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