Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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