WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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