I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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