Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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