your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
