we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
