So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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