Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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