you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
