I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My room smells like vodka and shame
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
