I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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