He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
