Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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