I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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