you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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