how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
