I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
