I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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