Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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