I think I won the penis lottery.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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