He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
