yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
