Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As shirtless as possible
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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