I CAN MOONWALK!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
