So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
