As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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