I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
