Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
