cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
