Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
