I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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