You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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