sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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