I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
