That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
