Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
