Who did Billy Mays play for?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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