And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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