you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
