Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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