Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
