I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
