We're facebook friends in real life
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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