Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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