she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
