At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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