I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
