White coat. Heels.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize