Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
