And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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