Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
