No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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